after so long...

well.. think sm is gonna kill me if i dun update this thing.. haha.. but den.. sm.. i can't see your entries too!
anyway... things are holding me back. didn't manage to get access to the internet for long recently and busy w some stuff at home. also... was taking some time to think if i sld continue w this blog. hehe...
dunno... many things were on my mind recently. met up w the lpz on fri and it set me to think even more. lpz always give me a feeling that they r willing to always give and nv wanted any return. sometimes i wonder y i was in e grp. i felt that i'm always the more selfish one, the only one that says no to all the crazy ideas and the only one stoning in the meetings. think if i were the others, i wld have kicked myself out of lp. haha..
sometimes i wonder, r we all that close? some of us close to each other only? that day, when we were sitting outside cartel, i was thinking.. will we still be like that 10 yrs down e road? when we r married w children, will e friendship still be there? when we dun have any spare time and out prorities r diff, will we still care for each other? pp change. will lp change? r we that kind of frens that we will call each other when we r in need? or r we just enjoying each other's company? we can click better in the whole JC? no more crazy gers in NY?
was toking to one of my sec close fren sometimes ago. she's someone that i used to think she's my closest close fren. but things change. she's still my gd fren. but still.. it's diff.. guess she will be very sad if she know that this is how i feel. but i cannot help it. it's just a feeling i get.
anyway.. we were toking abt close frens we have. she was jealous tt i can have close guy frens. guess it's coz she's pretty, so she can't really be just frens w guys. but i was jealous that she have frens that she can call at 4am in the morning. i wouldn't know who to call at 4am if i need anyone. is it coz i dun have anyone or is it that i'm just too paiseh to call? i was asked. i dunno the ans. i always felt tt pp will toke to u at 4am, but not willingly. however, sometimes i dun even know who to call at 4pm.
i have many many good frens, esp those of u who have a chance to read this. but den where is my soulmate? pls dun be offended... u all r great pals. i will share w u all.. but dun anyone of u feel e same as me? i dun really have frens who will come straight to me when he/she have probs and i dun always go to e same person when i have a prob. esp as i grow older, i tend to not go to anyone with my probs anymore. is it good?
wow! say soooooooo much! hehe.. my dear frens, pls dun be offended by it k! hehe... it's just some thoughts of mine. hahah...

rotting...

i'm still nuaing at home like nobody's biz. the memories of the camp is still in my mind.. really hated it. whenever i thought of it, it just spoils my mood. i dunno how am i going to face gm in the next camp.. she seems to totally hate me.. but luckily i'm only have to face her for 5 more days.. and hopefully sm will be there w me for the next camp. if not, i'm afraid that i may breakdown in the camp.
i can't meet my sec gd frens this week liao... coz my mummy going for operation this thurs. think my whole hols is gone. cannot go out liao. gotta stay at home and pei her and take care of her. but it doesn't matter. wat matters most is that she get well soon.

1st entry!

well... i've been thinking very long.. sld i even start this.. coz i know that i won't speak the whole truth and express all my feelings here.. so wat's the use? but den i've been finding it more and more difficult to tell pp things directly in the face anymore.. i can no longer complian to my frens like i do in sec school.. telling them everything.. it's not that i no longer wanna share, but i just can't say it out just like that anymore. i dunno why... coz everyone is so busy now? coz i change? guess it's a bit of both... i hope this will help me to feel better and let my frens know wat's going on in my life recently... hehe...