irritated...

i'm sorry pp.. didnt mean to make my blog so unhappy... but guess i will only blog when im not very the happy.. haha
just feel super irrtated now... pissed! dunno y... think it's pms... dun wanna continue w my ge anymore! i just feel like screaming or scolding someone now... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
but no one on-line for me to complain to.. haha... guess this is the only resort...
can i dun do anything now... just scream? ahhhhhhhh
haha... watever... k la.. just ignore this entry.. haha.. i;m going crazy....

Only left with memories...

haha.. using jo's msn nick as my title... coz realise it's so true....
was shopping with adeline and huling for kailing's birthday.. suddenly yihan msg me.. 'is it true that john jim and his wife died in an accident a few days ago?' i was like who's john jim? i thought yihan meant some actor... i was still like joking lightheartedly w ade.. who's john jim? next.. we realise it's john lim! our beloved PE teacher mr john lim!
i was never close to him or watever in NY like some of my frens do... i was nv really under him for PE before... however... it's his smilez and friendliness that had left a deep impression in my heart.. even after we left JC, he will still smile to us whenever he sees us around.. it's this feeling that this teacher cares and he bothers to remember you... know the feeling?
i dunno is it that i'm becoming more and more emotional or wat as i grow older... i hate to admit but the truth is, this affected me more than the incident one year ago... i dunno... many may disagree w me.. but i guess althought i was sad abt dear miss hamimah.. but i really hardly talks to her in jc.. my memories of her are nv as much and as dear as many of my friends...
i dunno... maybe it's coz he had left a deeper impression in my jc life.. with all the jokes w the PE teachers.. being so friendly and nice... though he's not the first teacher that comes to my mind when i think of NY... but still... he's such a NICE teacher!
imagine a person u know died in one of the happiest moment in his life? during his honey moon? when he thought he can start a new chapter of his life with someone he loves? while every one was so happy for him... this thing has to happen? why? why is it always like that?
i'm so sorry... maybe it will affect many of u.. but i just hope to dedicate this entry for him.. as a form of memory of him... to remember him... jane, sm... remember we saw him and his den gf in orchard during christmas eve? or is it new year eve? haha.. actually someday ago.. i was thinking abt it... but den.. i guess life is like that...
my dear frens.. just wanna say i love u pp... if there are times that i've neglected any of u... treated any of u badly... did not show appreciation.. i'm sorry... coz u pp do means alot to me... love u alwayz!

mixed feelings...

ello gers!!!!!! miss me right? hehe.. too lazy to blog and nothing much to say... most of the things u all know liao... BUT... hehe... something exciting happen today... guess wat? ANG SWEE CHIN added me to friendster! haha..... well.. i mean he will add u pp and think he added huiping too.. but still.. i;m so excited.. coz kinda forgot y i used to like him liao... den went to read his testimonial and his kinda blog like journal? didn't know tt he's so crappy and nice... haha.. guess i was being remembered of the feelings i had for him last time.. how i used to idolise him and stuff... haha.. but on the other hand.. i also remember how cocky he was and how 'mean' he can be sometimes... found his email add from the journal.. added him to my msn... well.. guess i hope to know the now swee chin better.. i mean pp change right? and he's a pretty nice senior after all.. haha.. guess i will still choose to believe that he's a nice guy... know wat? think his christian name is Ben.. abit eeeee right? so lao tu... haha... anyway.. yaya... tt's all i wanna say.. and gers.. dun worry abt me k.. i'm copping ok... just that if i have pms.. den will get a bit more emotional.. haha... but generally.. i'm ok!!!!!!! haha... u gers take care of yourself k! muckz... luv u pp lots!

exam...

yoz pp... sorry for not blogging for so long... just wanna tell u all tt i'm fine... exams r coming and laptop is spoilt.. so u all won't see me on-line... dun worry abt me k... hehe... btw.. i lost all your blog addy liao... give me again when my com is ok? meanwhile u pp take care k.. drop me a sms when u free? cya! muckz!~ hugz!

hols is coming!

haha.. really really very long nv blog liao.. got come and visit see if anyone leave me some comments.. but den really too lazy to blog.. so sorry... just finish my last quiz before term break. guess i'm like just waiting for hols to come.. haha.. damn bad right? guess i've been like that.. no mood to study.. just play.. den cannot be bothered and everything..
actually had quite a bit of things happen within this mth that i nv blog.. guess i'm just too busy and lazy.. haha.. wanna say sorry to all of u.. been too self-centered recently.. only think of myself.. nv really ask u pp how u were..
cindy... be brave k! coz u r so impt.. everyone needs u... so u must be strong and be optimistic abt stuff...
jane.. i know u r going thru alot.. sorry for not being there and ask u how things were... hope tt u will hang on k. take things one at a time.. just shout back at them if they bully u k!
sm.. dunno y leh... we in same sch but still see very little of each other.. really sorry that nv talk to u whenever u call and stuff.. really really miss u... jia you k! believe in yourself.. u have always been strong.. look for a good fyp mate! and rememeber to update me abt youe sundays!
zhao.. well.. i dunno wat to say to u.. u know la.. the usual.. dun wanna repeat.. and do remember my number when u need someone to listen k! no valuable suggestions but got a small ear to listen.. haha..
well.. guess only left w the few of u like jo, ade and maybe huiwen tt know abt this addy? u pp i see almost everyday.. haha.. so i just wanna ask.. got miss me? haha...

Life suckz!!

zhao... if u ever still read this.. just wanna tell u that life really really sucks.. and this time i hope that it will just let me fall...
since it is mostly gers who r reading this.. i shall be frank.. think my hormones r getting onto me... dunno is it that that thing is late for like dunno how long... a month? my moods swing like nobody's biz... keep feeling very down... dunno la... just hope that u guys can be around and i can teh to u all like last time... hai...
many stupid things happen.. just realise today that i must at least do 1 stupid thing everyday.. like walk into e wrong tut class... umbrella fails on me.. anything.. and today... tan soew min got me into this stupid embarrrassed situation... guess if anyone ask me to write an essay on my most embarrassed day.. i can say it's today.. haha
work is getting onto me... really think that acc dun suit me at all.. it's not that the readings r stressing me too much that it cost me to think this way.. it's just that i realise i'm interested and more awake in class when the prof r not toking abt acc stuff.. i really like psychology lo... hai... how?chose wrong course but i have to continue right? coz there's no turning back in life...
life suckz big time and i really hope that it won't.. even if it means that we may fall... i guess staying alive is meaningless if there's no happiness...
haha.. guys... i'm not committing sucide soon... i just need to let things out.. thanks!

i cannot take it anymore...

the d&d thingy is driving me crazy... i'm being labelled petty becoz i'm not happy abt doing other's job... but wat the hell did she do? she always say it's not her job to do this and that... den y r we doing her job for her? so wat if she's the pageant queen for last yr? big deal? i petty? maybe.. but i feel that i;ve a right to be angry w her!
den the stupid toss boss.. sound like he's so damn nice.. but he's a pain in e ass.. cannot keep clothes too long... cannot come on weekend... cannot c0me late at night... say got crowd.. wat the.. like his biz so damn good... i doubt so lo... den wat wat? now i have to go down tml straight after sch and maybe alone... coz xinxian's lesson only end at 630... i dun wanna face him alone lo... he always toke like he got lotsa sense in him but he's just some stupid guy who doesn'y give a damn abt others... so wat's his prob?
i dunno la.. i got lotsa work to do... lotsa readings.. but i just dun seem to be able to concentrate anymore..
sorry pp.. i just need to vent my anger somewhere..

pms

6th of august... dunno wat's wrong w me. think i having pms.. really wanna toke to someone now.. anyone.. but no one is on-line.. stupid right? 610pm.. who will be on-line? dunno.. just feel like toking to someone so that i will feel better.. feeling quite down and depressed now.. haha.. think coz i'm alone in hall and the whole world is going home... i still got lesson tml and later still got some stupid d&d stuff.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... haha... am i scaring any of u? cindy.. if u r reading this, dun worry.. i'm ok... just like that once in awhile.. guess i cannot live alone in this world. if not i will down of depression alone.. haha.. was reading some horoscope w sm e other day.. it says pisces need to be protected... i guess it's really correct... hahahahahaha............ k la... i've grumbled enough and my god... u pp r reading all the nonsense i'm writing.. haha.. k.. i go see if i got the mood to keep my clothes and bath...

dying...

  many things happen recently.. too many.. some of u will probaby have heard me complaining.. got to do stupid stuff in d&d.. gotta sell bash tix again... den got some funny guy.. hai... dunno la...
  but now e worse thing is that d&d stuff getting worse and i got lotsa readings to do in sch! dunno how to finish my stuff... now i really think that it is better to just concentrate on my studies... haha.. really like cannot take it liao...
  actually just wanna tell u guys wat i'ver been doing.. and jane.. take care k... everything will be over soon... haha... and sm.. dun think of single rm too much tt u over tire yourself.. and to e rest of my frens... take care too and i miss u pp!

more results...

Your Heart is Yellow

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by

my result..

avoidant

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by

lost....

was thinking abt alot of things in camp... 1st... thinking if i sld take up 6 modules next sem.. it means 6 days 6 modules... my frens are dropping one... used to think that i wanna give it a shot and try, but den now... dun wanna take 6 modules alone... was thinking abt it the whole night yesterday... guess now.. i will just drop.. coz think the core modules next sem quite tough... dun feel like overestimating myself... will start thinking which to drop now.. hai...
another thing.. in hall camp now... they went sentosa today.. but my roomie dun wanna go... so, as usual, i didn't go also. dunno y i cannot be more independent and move on on my own. dunno y i nv grow up and be independent... hai... actually i also dun really wanna go one.. but den somebody will be going.. u pp remember my crush in hall? haha.. thought i'm over him... but den hehe... u know wat la... actually he's not cute... but... frenster's open marriage mean? attached? hai... he used to put single... den change to in a relationship.. den now open marriage.. dunno y now change.. dunno who his gf is if he got one... dun even know him... feel so hopeless and helpless.. keep seeing him talking to my fren beside me but... we can stare at each other for awhile but den will look away next.... when he smile in my direction,  i dunno wat to do... sld i smile back? i dun... den felt that i'm like so dao... he will just smile and look away... give me a feeling that he expect me to smile back.. but den how am i suppose to? i dun even know him... dun even know if he's smiling to me.. haha... in a state of confussion... haha... actually i wanna go sentosa is becoz of him.. coz he will be going w them... other den that.. i dun quite like sentosa now... dunno if i will get a chance to know him this yr... it's his final yr..
i guess independence is something  i can nv be.. i will always need pp to tell me wat to do and make the decision for me... 6 modules? go sentosa? if only 1 day, i will make decision on my own and not care abt wat others say and be more confidence of myself...

explanation...

the belows are 2 results i get from some quiz and got 1 for u all to try.. i got them from my fren's blog....

quiz

Discover your Zodiac Personality @ Quiz Me

sooooooo black! sooooo ugly!

well... i guess my previous blog kinda shock most of u.. hehe.. u all dun worry k.. i'm just like that... will think of all this once in a while one..
hehe... ya.. jane.. wanna tell u to think twice b4 u join jcrc.. coz it's gonna change your whole yr's life.. u know wat i mean? i dun wanna see a shag jane all e time.. but if u really like it.. den go for it.. coz u r just too capable.. hehe...
ya.. i just came back from camp. soooo black. and i really agree w my mum this time.. i'm so ugly! dunno how i got myself so black this time. haha.. anyway.. finally got over e whole thing. no longer have to face gm anymore.. she's like a bitch. and i'm like one too, bitching abt her everyday in camp. haha.. so bad. really like the co chair of the programmers. he's sooooooo nice. he's not like manly, coz he's scared of everything. water, height, ... everything that a guy will normally not admit being afraid of. but he's just nice! look beng but super responsible. the silent worker type. hehe... dunno y... hehe... just super like him.. (not that type tt u all r thinking k!)
ya... actually dunno wat to say liao... actually wanna complain abt my bro one.. but now super tired and think u all r also tired abt me complaining abt him. haha... anyway... i wanna zzz liao.. tell u pp more some other time.. take care! miss ya!

after so long...

well.. think sm is gonna kill me if i dun update this thing.. haha.. but den.. sm.. i can't see your entries too!
anyway... things are holding me back. didn't manage to get access to the internet for long recently and busy w some stuff at home. also... was taking some time to think if i sld continue w this blog. hehe...
dunno... many things were on my mind recently. met up w the lpz on fri and it set me to think even more. lpz always give me a feeling that they r willing to always give and nv wanted any return. sometimes i wonder y i was in e grp. i felt that i'm always the more selfish one, the only one that says no to all the crazy ideas and the only one stoning in the meetings. think if i were the others, i wld have kicked myself out of lp. haha..
sometimes i wonder, r we all that close? some of us close to each other only? that day, when we were sitting outside cartel, i was thinking.. will we still be like that 10 yrs down e road? when we r married w children, will e friendship still be there? when we dun have any spare time and out prorities r diff, will we still care for each other? pp change. will lp change? r we that kind of frens that we will call each other when we r in need? or r we just enjoying each other's company? we can click better in the whole JC? no more crazy gers in NY?
was toking to one of my sec close fren sometimes ago. she's someone that i used to think she's my closest close fren. but things change. she's still my gd fren. but still.. it's diff.. guess she will be very sad if she know that this is how i feel. but i cannot help it. it's just a feeling i get.
anyway.. we were toking abt close frens we have. she was jealous tt i can have close guy frens. guess it's coz she's pretty, so she can't really be just frens w guys. but i was jealous that she have frens that she can call at 4am in the morning. i wouldn't know who to call at 4am if i need anyone. is it coz i dun have anyone or is it that i'm just too paiseh to call? i was asked. i dunno the ans. i always felt tt pp will toke to u at 4am, but not willingly. however, sometimes i dun even know who to call at 4pm.
i have many many good frens, esp those of u who have a chance to read this. but den where is my soulmate? pls dun be offended... u all r great pals. i will share w u all.. but dun anyone of u feel e same as me? i dun really have frens who will come straight to me when he/she have probs and i dun always go to e same person when i have a prob. esp as i grow older, i tend to not go to anyone with my probs anymore. is it good?
wow! say soooooooo much! hehe.. my dear frens, pls dun be offended by it k! hehe... it's just some thoughts of mine. hahah...

rotting...

i'm still nuaing at home like nobody's biz. the memories of the camp is still in my mind.. really hated it. whenever i thought of it, it just spoils my mood. i dunno how am i going to face gm in the next camp.. she seems to totally hate me.. but luckily i'm only have to face her for 5 more days.. and hopefully sm will be there w me for the next camp. if not, i'm afraid that i may breakdown in the camp.
i can't meet my sec gd frens this week liao... coz my mummy going for operation this thurs. think my whole hols is gone. cannot go out liao. gotta stay at home and pei her and take care of her. but it doesn't matter. wat matters most is that she get well soon.

1st entry!

well... i've been thinking very long.. sld i even start this.. coz i know that i won't speak the whole truth and express all my feelings here.. so wat's the use? but den i've been finding it more and more difficult to tell pp things directly in the face anymore.. i can no longer complian to my frens like i do in sec school.. telling them everything.. it's not that i no longer wanna share, but i just can't say it out just like that anymore. i dunno why... coz everyone is so busy now? coz i change? guess it's a bit of both... i hope this will help me to feel better and let my frens know wat's going on in my life recently... hehe...